The Bitter Pill

It’s that nagging sense of anger, hatred even, that you just can’t seem to shake. It’s the aftertaste of unforgiveness that has been left to simmer in the center of your soul, producing a neverending barrage of negative thoughts and emotions. It’s evident in verbal and even non- verbal communication. It’s like an ulcer that is silently festering, slowly eroding your body’s tissue until it’s presence has done remarkable internal damage. As I reflect on my own life and the many opportunities I’ve had to become bitter, from issues with family, to people who have angered me and a variety of situations and circumstances in between, I’ve come to a point of realizing it’s just not worth the time, energy, or spiritual and ultimately, physical damage (I believe) that bitterness, strife, and unforgiveness can and will cause in our lives if not dealt with. It’s like drinking poison, hoping the object of our bitterness, rage, and unforgiveness is going to die. We are the ones who suffer in the end.

Webster’s dictionary defines bitterness as “marked by intensity or severity (as of distress or hatred); extremely harsh or cruel.” You can discern it easily; it’s the person who’s always angry, always directing hatred toward the object of their anger. Something’s eating them and it’s obvious to everyone around them. When they talk to people, the issue seems to come up again and again. Why? Because they are so consumed with the pain and the hurt that they have actually become the hurt and pain. All that’s left is for that pain and hurt to be outwardly expressed. They draw people into their world who won’t confront the issue, but only agree with their hurt. As a result, healing never takes place.

Sometimes it’s more subtle, and not always evident through obvious verbal lashings and rants. It could be the man or woman who’s been hurt one too many times and has now adopted an internal attitude of bitterness that clouds their ability to even have a healthy relationship. Or the son or daughter who experienced abuse, trauma, or a sense of rejection from family, loved ones, or organizations. It could be resentment carrying over from unresolved issues that are too painful to even talk about. Like scar tissue forming on wounds, bitterness may try to cover, but it keeps the issue from really being resolved. Pain is still present.

One of my favorite scriptures (Hebrews 12:15) describes bitterness as a “root” that is poisonous, eventually growing up in a person to trouble, or torment them. It doesn’t say that root grows up to trouble and torment the object of our anger, but that it torments us! Why hold on to something that is causing us pain, anguish, and suffering? Sometimes we hold on because it is comfortable, and the tedious work of letting go of the offense seems unbearable. Sometimes we just enjoy our selfish moment of anger too much to let it go because in that moment we feel powerful. Other times we don’t even realize bitterness has wrapped it’s tentacles around our souls until we are completely consumed with it and we view the world through that lens. Either way, the truth is bitterness can and will destroy our lives and ruin our relationships. It cuts us off from being able to truly give and receive love as God intends.

I love the phrase “locate yourself” because it means getting real and honest about what is going on inside of us instead of perpetuating an internal victim mentality. Only when we do this can true healing take place. I can think of times when a root of bitterness had gotten in my heart and I had to be honest. It was coloring how I thought, spoke, and related to the individual who had offended me. Just the thought of them sent me into an internal rage. I couldn’t speak about them without having a mean, sarcastic tone. I had to locate myself and realize that I had actually opened the door to a spirit of hatred, all because of an offense I could not let go of at the time. Because I didn’t want to compromise my relationship with God for the sake of what someone did to me, I had to let it go. The other person probably wasn’t even thinking about me or the issue. Maybe they were. The point is, at the end of the day, I was the one who had to deal with the stuff inside of me, not them.

I believe when it comes to forgiveness, practice makes perfect. The more we exercise this powerful spiritual tool, the more proficient we will become at it. Life will give us plenty of situations where we will have to forgive others so why not start now? Who has made you bitter? Who might you be holding unforgiveness toward? How dare we hold on to unforgiveness when God will forgive us for anything at any time when we ask for it? And, don’t forget that there will always come a time in our lives when we will need forgiveness from others. The seeds of unforgiveness and bitterness we sow today will eventually come back as an unwanted harvest in time.

If you feel like bitterness is a stronghold in your life, there is only one solution: forgive. That’s a dirty word to a lot of people because it means relinquishing emotional control over the situation and giving it to God. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing someone to continue abusing you (you can always choose to love people at a distance) but it does mean releasing them from the offense in your heart. Is it easy? Absolutely not. Sometimes we have to forgive others by faith, allowing our feelings to line up with that decision later on. The key is to set your will to forgive anyone, for anything, at any time before offenses come. Think you just can’t do it? You can. Living with a forgiveness consciousness positions us to handle hurt more effectively when it shows up. Setting your will to “Automatic Forgiveness Mode” will keep you in constant contact with the love of God, and allow you to release it to others. When it comes to getting over the pain, it’s the best thing you can do for your soul. The choice is yours...