If you’re familiar with the book of Proverbs, you have most likely heard of the Proverbs 31 woman, also described as the “virtuous” woman. If you’re not familiar with Proverbs, keep reading. I love the book of Proverbs in the Bible because it is pregnant with wisdom keys that are applicable to anyone, regardless of who you are. Even if the Bible is unfamiliar territory, Proverbs is one of those books that you can read chapter to chapter and walk away with something that will resonate in your spirit. Its truths are undeniable. One of my favorite chapters is 31 because it provides an outline for womanhood that, when executed and cultivated, is guaranteed to position a woman for success in her life. It is an outline that focuses on the intangible qualities of being an honorable woman—the things that are not often celebrated in popular culture today, but appreciated by those who truly recognize and value their importance and worth.
If you were to simply read the adjectives describing this woman, it would give you a clear picture of who she is. While the context is that of a married woman in a relationship with her husband, even single women can be P31s. Capable, intelligent, virtuous, and precious are just a few of the things that describe her. She is someone who is trustworthy and reliable, in other words, she’s not a flake and she keeps her word. It says she comforts people and encourages them. She opens her mouth to speak good things, and not evil things; she knows the power of her words and uses them wisely for the purpose of building others up and not tearing them down. She always has wise counsel and instruction on her lips.
Another thing I love about the Proverbs 31 woman is that she is a business woman. The Bible describes her as an enterprising woman who “works with willing hands” and has goods and services to provide to other people. She’s not waiting for a hand out or for someone to rescue her, but instead she is making things happen in a way that puts her in a position to delegate jobs and assignments to others. Not only that but she manages her household with wisdom and is a woman of prayer and integrity. She is spiritually and emotionally strong, dignified, and secure.
In a world where insecurity has become the benchmark of womanhood, resulting in conduct and behavior that reflects on women negatively, it is no wonder that when people encounter a P31 woman they are refreshed, pleasantly surprised, and stand in admiration of her. She is a welcome change in a society that has actually empowered women to be mere shells of who God created them to be.
Becoming this type of woman is a process, not an overnight event. We “become” through the choices we make on a daily basis. Any woman can become the things the Word describes, once she decides that’s what she wants to do. Any woman can look at where she is now, look at her reflection in the mirror and decide she wants the woman staring back at her to reflect the character and nature of God, versus the character and nature of this world. Some things to consider in your journey toward virtuous womanhood are:
1. The importance of allowing God’s definition of what’s valuable to be your standard. Proverbs 31 is a model of womanhood that is based on spiritual development and character. It’s interesting to note that the entire chapter focuses on what her character was like, but gives no physical description of her. Verse 30 says that “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.” To “fear” the Lord simply means to honor and respect God, not fear in the sense of being afraid. Think about how you feel when someone honors and respects you—it makes you want to reciprocate the honor and respect. The character of honor and respect for God is what trumps outward appearances, material possessions, or a charming personality. In other words, spend time cultivating your relationship with God; make it a priority.
2. Pray. Having a strong prayer life builds your confidence in God and also puts you in a position to hear Him speak to you about you. The more you pray, the stronger you become spiritually and the more discerning you become about the decisions you are facing in life. Decisions are the open door into reality so when your decisions are in line with God’s will, it will lead you into a Proverbs 31 reality.
3. Study the Word of God.
If you’re not familiar with a bunch of scriptures, the book of Proverbs is a great place to start for practical wisdom on how to live your life. The key is to start somewhere. As you continue to read, ask God to open the eyes of your understanding and you will find yourself on a journey of discovery through the Word of God. The more you meditate on it, the more the character of God will be developed in you. You will be surprised at how your mindset and attitude about who you are as a woman will begin to shift and your priorities will move from being self-focused to God-focused.
Your focus is the process of your development. Keep that in mind as you embark on your journey towards virtuous womanhood. God has you in His hand and will bring you to your ultimate destination of power, virtue, and success as you let Him mold you into the woman He created you to be!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Womanhood Series: From Insecurity to Wholeness
Whenever I see little girls, whether out with their moms when I’m at the grocery store, or playing with their friends in my subdivision, I often wonder what kind of women they will grow up to be, who their predominant role models are, and what, if any, positive examples they are seeing in their lives of strong, honorable women who are emotionally whole and spiritually sound. Unfortunately we live in a world in which womanhood is not defined by morals, values, and qualities that uphold a standard of treatment that demands respect, but by insecurity, competitive jealousy, and objectification. The media’s depictions of “real-life” women on popular reality shows are one-sided and less than stellar to say the least. These images are helping to contribute to the shaping of a new model of womanhood that is insecurity-based, where referring to ourselves as “bitches” is the norm and reducing our relationships with other women to nothing more than catfights is the standard. If we’re not fighting with each other over something insignificant, then we’re competing for the attention of a man, objectifying ourselves, trying to preserve our superficial images, or attempting to prove to a man that we’re just as competent, strong, and capable as he is. The sad part is that in the midst of all the competing, proving, and fighting, we’re losing ourselves and who God created us to be.
The images of twisted womanhood are everywhere we turn, from music to television. The popular reality show Basketball Wives as well as the Real Housewives franchise are prime examples of what happens when adult women, who are battling insecurity try to form alliances. It never works. Even the “T.O. Show” displays contentious, insecure women with issues who can’t control their emotions and whose relationship with each other is marked by constant strife. Is this what womanhood has been reduced to? If you feed yourself a steady diet of reality TV, it would appear that way; however, there are women who are not living this false identity and who have a standard of conduct for their lives that doesn’t involve the things I just described. It is up to us to be the role models for the little girls I mentioned at the beginning of this blog.
I believe at the core of every woman who feels the need to compete with another woman or try to prove something about who she is, is basic insecurity. Everyone has battled it at some point or another, but when it is never resolved it will inevitably cause problems, making healthy relationships virtually impossible. I believe the root of insecurity usually comes from something that stems from childhood, usually the absence of a parent’s love although a woman may not be cognizant of that fact until later on in life. When you grow up without something, you adapt to not having it and the results and effects may not become evident until adulthood.
Going back to my observation of young girls, I always think about how children need stability and a sense of security from both parents. When there is an imbalance, there will always be a voided area and a young girl may grow up always feeling the need to protect herself. As a result she may put up walls of distrust, which will shut others out or be interpreted as hostility. Compounded with anger, resentment, and disappointment, the final product is an adult woman who is constantly “acting out” of that place of insecurity, going through life a scared little girl on the inside who is constantly trying to prove herself on the outside. Most of these women have been hurt and as usual, the media has turned their pain into entertainment, but that’s another issue.
Getting past insecurity can’t be done without gaining knowledge of who we are in God. Since most of us didn’t get these types of spiritual principles instilled in us as young girls, the process of discovering the love of God usually comes during adulthood, often after several painful life experiences and reaching a breaking point. Regardless of when the epiphany comes, the important thing is reaching that point of clarity. Here are few things to consider in achieving the security that can only be found in the One who created you:
1. Nothing and no one can bring security like God.
We often go through life trying to fill the voids we have through relationships, money, success, pleasure, acquiring material possessions, marriage, friendships, and a host of other “fillers” that ultimately never satisfy us. This is simply because those things were never meant to fill voids—only God can do that. Realizing that nothing that has been created was made to take the place of the Creator is a turning point moment. Meditate on Proverbs 31:25 (Amplified Bible): “Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure…” God wants to fill your empty places with His power and very being to bring you to a place of emotional wholeness in your spirit and soul. This will tremendously transform your relationships with men and women alike.
2. Where insecurity is present, there is usually a need to forgive someone.
People aren’t born insecure; they become that way usually because of what someone has done or not done in their lives. Whenever another person is involved, who has been a source of hurt or pain, forgiveness is necessary. Forgiveness sets you and the other person free from having the power to hold you captive to their mistakes. It also releases the power of God to take over in your life and bring security where insecurity was created. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in restoring internal voids caused by insecurity. Forgive yourself as well.
3. Realize God loves you.
Insecurity, the need to compete, and the stressful relationships that come out of always having to prove yourself in some way is based on the idea of self-preservation, which is based on fear. When fear is present, it is evident that the love of God has not been fully developed in you. God loves you, and when you know that God loves you, you don’t have to go through life with a chip on your shoulder that comes from fear and insecurity. The love of God is sustaining and fulfilling, freeing you to love other people without reservation. Meditate on 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment…” Become conscious of when you are going into self-preservation mode and refuse to be tormented by it. Make some different decisions, even if they are small, to act from a place of love rather than selfishness, fear, and insecurity. Your relationships will be transformed.
God is the cure for insecurity and tormented relationships. He is a healer, and that includes emotional and spiritual healing as well as physical. Women who are emotionally and spiritually whole, and who understand who they are in God, are in position to reach out to those who are not, which can be the catalyst for change. Be an agent of change in the life of a woman who may need your strength. We’re all in this together!
The images of twisted womanhood are everywhere we turn, from music to television. The popular reality show Basketball Wives as well as the Real Housewives franchise are prime examples of what happens when adult women, who are battling insecurity try to form alliances. It never works. Even the “T.O. Show” displays contentious, insecure women with issues who can’t control their emotions and whose relationship with each other is marked by constant strife. Is this what womanhood has been reduced to? If you feed yourself a steady diet of reality TV, it would appear that way; however, there are women who are not living this false identity and who have a standard of conduct for their lives that doesn’t involve the things I just described. It is up to us to be the role models for the little girls I mentioned at the beginning of this blog.
I believe at the core of every woman who feels the need to compete with another woman or try to prove something about who she is, is basic insecurity. Everyone has battled it at some point or another, but when it is never resolved it will inevitably cause problems, making healthy relationships virtually impossible. I believe the root of insecurity usually comes from something that stems from childhood, usually the absence of a parent’s love although a woman may not be cognizant of that fact until later on in life. When you grow up without something, you adapt to not having it and the results and effects may not become evident until adulthood.
Going back to my observation of young girls, I always think about how children need stability and a sense of security from both parents. When there is an imbalance, there will always be a voided area and a young girl may grow up always feeling the need to protect herself. As a result she may put up walls of distrust, which will shut others out or be interpreted as hostility. Compounded with anger, resentment, and disappointment, the final product is an adult woman who is constantly “acting out” of that place of insecurity, going through life a scared little girl on the inside who is constantly trying to prove herself on the outside. Most of these women have been hurt and as usual, the media has turned their pain into entertainment, but that’s another issue.
Getting past insecurity can’t be done without gaining knowledge of who we are in God. Since most of us didn’t get these types of spiritual principles instilled in us as young girls, the process of discovering the love of God usually comes during adulthood, often after several painful life experiences and reaching a breaking point. Regardless of when the epiphany comes, the important thing is reaching that point of clarity. Here are few things to consider in achieving the security that can only be found in the One who created you:
1. Nothing and no one can bring security like God.
We often go through life trying to fill the voids we have through relationships, money, success, pleasure, acquiring material possessions, marriage, friendships, and a host of other “fillers” that ultimately never satisfy us. This is simply because those things were never meant to fill voids—only God can do that. Realizing that nothing that has been created was made to take the place of the Creator is a turning point moment. Meditate on Proverbs 31:25 (Amplified Bible): “Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure…” God wants to fill your empty places with His power and very being to bring you to a place of emotional wholeness in your spirit and soul. This will tremendously transform your relationships with men and women alike.
2. Where insecurity is present, there is usually a need to forgive someone.
People aren’t born insecure; they become that way usually because of what someone has done or not done in their lives. Whenever another person is involved, who has been a source of hurt or pain, forgiveness is necessary. Forgiveness sets you and the other person free from having the power to hold you captive to their mistakes. It also releases the power of God to take over in your life and bring security where insecurity was created. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in restoring internal voids caused by insecurity. Forgive yourself as well.
3. Realize God loves you.
Insecurity, the need to compete, and the stressful relationships that come out of always having to prove yourself in some way is based on the idea of self-preservation, which is based on fear. When fear is present, it is evident that the love of God has not been fully developed in you. God loves you, and when you know that God loves you, you don’t have to go through life with a chip on your shoulder that comes from fear and insecurity. The love of God is sustaining and fulfilling, freeing you to love other people without reservation. Meditate on 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment…” Become conscious of when you are going into self-preservation mode and refuse to be tormented by it. Make some different decisions, even if they are small, to act from a place of love rather than selfishness, fear, and insecurity. Your relationships will be transformed.
God is the cure for insecurity and tormented relationships. He is a healer, and that includes emotional and spiritual healing as well as physical. Women who are emotionally and spiritually whole, and who understand who they are in God, are in position to reach out to those who are not, which can be the catalyst for change. Be an agent of change in the life of a woman who may need your strength. We’re all in this together!
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