Observing and Discerning: Pay Attention!

Why is it that we tend not to see the reality of a situation until after the fact? People who’ve come out of bad relationships or situations that totally threw them for a loop can relate. Particularly where relationships are concerned, we tend to find ourselves in the midst of drama once we’ve already invested time and emotion into someone who turns out to be a complete disappointment. After enough failed relationships, some people become jaded about the possibility of ever finding the right one. Others continue on with the same patterns and attract more of the same. Still others learn from their mistakes and avoid the same pitfalls. The answer to the original question comes down to two simple actions that can prevent us from ending up with the short end of the stick, not only in romantic relationships, but in business endeavors, friendships, and really any other situation that could potentially require an investment on our part. Becoming proficient at observing and discerning will save you time, money, and energy. The issue is are we willing to accept the truth of what we see and govern ourselves accordingly?

I’m a firm believer in living a simplified life and the older you get, the more important simplicity becomes. We don’t have time to waste on people, situations, and endeavors that are leading nowhere and draining our precious energy and resources in any way. The problem is that we tend to make emotional decisions rather than taking a wise approach to what we’re doing. The wisdom of Proverbs 3:5-6 rings true and ensures that we avoid the drama of detrimental relationships, friendships, business endeavors, career paths, and other situations that end up being a waste of our time. Really anything that requires a decision that could impact our lives in a major way should be submitted to these verses: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

The concept is really very simple. First, we should trust God and not lean to our own understanding. We may have our own thoughts about how to go about doing something, or even be stuck in the ways we’ve always done it. Even when it comes to getting to know someone in a relationship, we may have our own understanding of how to do things. But instead of relying on our own ability to make things happen, we should trust God for wisdom, guidance and direction BEFORE we invest. It also says to acknowledge Him in ALL our ways, not just some of our ways. That means everything. Someone new comes into our life that seems like the perfect person? “Lord, what do You say have to say about them?” A new job opportunity that may involve relocating? “Lord, what’s your will for my life in this situation?” And if you aren’t at a point where your spiritual hearing is crystal clear yet, simply ask God to reveal to you everything you need to know about the situation before you do anything, in a way that makes it tangible for you. He will always do it.

Now this is where observing and discerning comes into play. The first step to avoiding dead-end situations is to ask God for wisdom, guidance and direction as soon as the proposition is before you. The second step is to ask Him to reveal to you what you need to know. The third step is to observe and discern what is being revealed. Pay attention to what you see before you! To discern something is to show insight, judgment, and perception. It also means “to detect.” Observation involves paying special attention to something or to notice it in detail. How much time do we really give ourselves to observe the people we’re dealing with before investing? We aim to give attention to detail on our jobs and careers, but how much attention to detail do we give to the people we are considering making an investment into BEFORE handing our hearts to them? If we would simply pay attention and be honest with ourselves about what we see, we could avoid a lot of situations.

Speaking from experience, when I reflect on past failed relationships, there
were always red flags long before things went bad. When it comes to people, we have to pay attention to the little things that set an alarm off within us. Don’t ignore those things! And also consider things like the circumstances under which the person came into your life, where you are emotionally at the time of the decision, and other factors that could be influencing your decision-making. You will know a tree by its fruit, not by what the tree tells you about itself. If you see apples, please believe it’s an apple tree, even if it tries to convince you it’s an orange tree. Character issues in a person that you ignore will be major points of conflict later on. The same is true for investments of time and money into different endeavors. Don’t do ANYTHING without seeking the wisdom of God. Don’t move ahead into something without taking time to observe what you’re dealing with and getting in a place of quiet prayer prior to decision making. When it comes to relationships, take your time and don’t lay everything on the line when there are obvious red flags present. Moving full speed ahead out of emotions or unresolved personal issues such as loneliness or anxiousness will only backfire on you.

I read once that wisdom is knowing and perceiving God’s perspective on a person, thing, or issue, and choosing to agree with His purposes. Are you willing to seek direction before getting involved? More importantly, are you willing to agree with whatever He tells you? Ultimately your agreement with godly guidance is going to be the difference between your success and failure in whatever you’re doing. That guidance may come through friends and loved ones who can see your situation from the outside and/or the sense of peace or a lack of peace you feel inside about the person or situation you’re dealing with. Don’t tell yourself you have peace when you really don’t, or try to convince yourself that what you’re observing isn’t really happening. Observe, discern, and love yourself enough to be honest about what you see.