Breaking Soul Ties

Mr. Wrong – Mary J. Blige

Me and Mr Wrong get along so good (so good)
Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr Wrong (mister wrong)
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Aint no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr Wrong

Hung up off your good
You call and I run
My family's screaming at me don’t do it
Don't do it Mary.
I guess they never had none

When he put that loving on me, I can’t think of nothing
That’ll make me walk out
I’m holding on
I love my Mr Wrong
He be kissing and touching on me
I can’t help but love him
I must be out my mind
For going so strong
I love my Mr Wrong

Sound familiar? Interesting lyrics and, for most people who have been in a relationship like this, a very relatable situation. Dealing with someone you know is bad for you, but you can’t leave because of “when he put that loving on me” is like being in a prison cell while being in love with your captor. The lyrics to this song demonstrate all the signs of a classic dysfunctional, sex-driven relationship in which a person feels they can’t leave, even though they are getting their heart broken again and again. Most songs out today that are about “love” are really just about the emotional roller coaster that comes with sexual relationships. It has nothing to do with love. “When he put that lovin on me, I can’t think of nothing that’ll make me walk out.” Really? Even if he/she is physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive? Sad. We often look at situations like this, maybe in our friends and loved ones, maybe in our own lives, and wonder why we just can’t let the person go. The reason is because of the soul ties that came out of the sexual relationship, that are mistakenly being interpreted as love. Love, however, doesn’t leave you feeling like a captive, addicted, distressed, and mentally and emotionally conflicted.

What is a soul tie? On a most basic level, it is a “tie” or “bond” that is formed between people, linking their souls together, which can bring fourth both beneficial results or negative results. The soul of a person encompasses their mind, will, and emotions; their personality, their subconscious, the place where memories and feelings reside. It is the place from which decisions are made, and where connections are forged. Soul ties are those invisible strings that connect us to people and keep us connected. I look at them as spiritual “funnels” that transfer things between individuals. They can be good or bad, depending on the way in which they were formed, and who they were formed with.

Not all soul ties are bad. Healthy friendships and godly marriages and relationships can form positive soul ties that can be a source of encouragement, upliftment, and mutual spiritual growth. Parents have soul ties with their children, and of course family members obviously have soul ties with one another as well.

I want to deal with soul ties in relationships, specifically as it relates to sexual intimacy. Any time sexual intimacy takes place, soul ties are formed, and as a result, both participants become “glued” to each other in their soulish realm (mind, will, and emotions). This is a profound spiritual phenomenon that can’t be avoided if sexual activity has taken place. The above song lyric and many others proves it; her attachment to this man is directly related to the sexual relationship they’re having and what he’s carrying spiritually has now been transferred to her because there is a link connecting them. When you understand soul ties, you understand why people can remain attached to ex-lovers and ex-partners, seemingly unable to let go of the person. All the sexual experiences a person has are stored in their soul similar to a rolodex, which is why many times a person is never satisfied in a relationship. It’s because of what is logged into the catalogue of their soul, unbeknownst to them.

Many people bring exes into their marriages and future relationships, even if the person is no longer in their life because the soul tie with that individual has never been broken. Still others can’t even stick to one person in a relationship because they have “stuck” themselves to so many people over the course of their lives. Like a piece of tape that has been stuck to multiple surfaces and eventually loses it’s stickiness, people can have multiple soul ties with multiple people, making it virtually impossible to commit to someone because of all the spiritual and soul baggage they are carrying.

When it comes to solutions, we can’t deal with spiritual problems with unspiritual tools. Spiritual things go with spiritual things, and because of the spiritual nature of soul ties, there is no way to break them without employing something that is powerful enough to deal with them. Will power will not work when a person’s will is under the influence of a sexually-forged soul tie! When a stronghold has been formed in a person’s mind, they cannot just “get out” or “forget” about the person. Those feelings will linger and attempt to gain control mentally and emotionally (Remember, the will is a part of the soul). I can testify in my own life because I went through this years ago. The only thing that is powerful enough to break a soul tie is the Word of God, combined with the practical things a person has to do to disconnect from the person/people they are in a relationship with. Second Corinthians 10:4 says, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” A soul tie is a mental and emotional stronghold that must be demolished in order for complete deliverance to take place. Here’s what worked in my own life:

1. I acknowledged the relationship was outside the will of God i.e. I was having sex with someone I was not married to and therefore inviting emotional and spiritual problems into my life through the realm of soul ties.

2. I made a decision to stop doing the thing that was causing me to get soul tied to people i.e. gluing myself to people I wasn’t married to through sex. This is the step that is the most basic but also the one that will be the deciding factor of whether a person even progresses to the deliverance process.

3. I began renewing my mind with the Word by making the meditation of certain scriptures a part of my life until my thinking began to change. If you change your thinking, everything in your life will change. This is what it means to renew your mind. I stayed on Romans 12:1-2:
a. “Therefore I urge you, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is.”

4. I made a commitment to allow my relationship with God to be the center of my life because that relationship is a place of protection from the detriments that come from going our own way. Psalm 91:1:
a. “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty Whose power no foe can withstand.” Instability and emotional torment are spiritual foes, or enemies to your peace, but allowing the wisdom of God to be your guide will protect you from the unnecessary drama that comes from soul ties.

5. I cut off contact with people I was involved with sexually. Trying to be “friends” with a person like the one Mary J. Blige is describing in this song is foolishness, especially when you are JUST starting the process of cutting it off. You just have to make those hard decisions, if you’re serious about your emotional freedom that is. Again, this is another area that most people aren’t willing to do. When you really want to be delivered you do what you have to do. You change phone numbers, you throw pictures and memorabilia away and most importantly, you cut off contact. If the person is the father or mother of your child, then you only allow contact where it pertains to the child.

6. I used the Word of God to deal with thoughts that attempted to keep me connected to those situations. This goes back to step 3 i.e. renewing your mind.

7. Understanding the power of words as spiritually creative tools, I broke soul ties with my own mouth i.e. “I break the soul tie I have with so and so in the name of Jesus.” I released my faith in the supernatural ability of God to get involved with my situation and why not? I know I am loved by God and that it is not God’s will for me to be in ANY type of emotional turmoil.

8. I asked the Lord to send new people and relationships into my life. This is called replacement. If you cut something off but don’t replace it with something else, those old things will just find a way to come back into your life sooner or later. I’m not talking about cutting off a relationship only to get into another one and creating a new soul tie in an attempt to get rid of the old one, but a complete change where my circle of associates was concerned. When you start getting emotionally healthy and surrounding yourself with wise people who are emotionally healthy themselves, you start making different and better choices.

9. I prayed. Prayer for deliverance from certain relationships was probably one of the most powerful things I did. Not only does it give you strength to endure the weak moments and rough spots in the process, but when you have confidence that God hears your prayers, you know the answer is on the way.

If you’ve never been through the binding effects of soul ties and the turmoil that comes with them, then you may not be able to relate to this. But most people have been through it or are currently in it right now on some level. Soul ties can be broken, no matter how strong they may be. With God all things are possible and you can walk away from those relationships and receive a restored soul that is whole and able to make sound decisions. If there are people who you still have soul ties with from the past, who may not even be in your life anymore, begin to pray for deliverance. You are the prophet of your own life so start breaking soul ties with your own words and declare your freedom from any emotional bondage from the past. Be willing to go through your process, as difficult as it may be. I assure you, there is light at the end of the tunnel.